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where are you?

2011-09-30T16:25:00.004+08:00

smitten.. enthralled.. mesmerized.. yet all I see is a blank..

your warmth.. your hands in mine.. your soft breath playing over my cheeks.. yet I'm here standing all alone..

the rushing blood.. enhanced senses.. pumping adrenaline.. yet I feel turgid and lethargic..

happiness.. laughter.. smiles.. yet I type this with a heavy heart..

I'm alone..

;i miss you..

trust me

2011-09-17T10:33:00.001+08:00

start of new beginnings..

i've never felt this serene before.. (:

;silent warrior..

scl

2011-09-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

love in its truest sense is not based on feelings, but a determination to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward..

must constantly remind myself..

;stupid crazy love

yes? no? alright.

2011-08-20T17:53:00.002+08:00

is that about me?..
yes it should be about me!..
because, how else?..
but really?.. is it really about me?..
no?..
why not!.. okay fine it isnt about me..
but but but i thought it was!..
no?..
okay then..

;if i could hug you right now i would.

guards

2011-08-07T18:00:00.003+08:00

so now im a full-fledged guardsman..
after enduring 3 weeks of shit and hardship.. haha.. damn..
but im much better equipped, i've gained new friends, learnt new skills..

always ready,
READY TO STRIKE!

WHY GOD WHY????????

2011-07-03T02:11:00.001+08:00

dont really know if i have made the right choice?..

but anyway it seems like He is throwing many obstacles my way.. rejection after rejection, loss after loss..
come to think of it, this week was horrendous.. 1 screwed up cohesion, 2 rejections, numerous attitude problems, multiple losses.. and suddenly everything seems so expensive.. im drawing money day after day.. fucking warrant officer as guailan as ever.. reprimanding by superiors (because of fucked up warrant officer).. fatigue, stress, extreme emotions..

im really starting to feel very weary, and sick at all my decisions.. mood has been faltering so much it's like a seismometer on a 10.0 Ritcher Scale earthquake locality..

i really dont understand Him many times.. and my friends are tired and moody too.. i dont wanna burden them anymore.. it's not fair for them to share my pains..

and if it turns out i cant even extend my service, fml..

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I CANT EVEN POST A BLOGPOST SMOOTHLY.
FUCK THIS SHIT.

;i need rest. a vacation would be best.

scholarship

2011-06-28T01:36:00.002+08:00

just had PSC scholarship interview today.. haha think i messed it up.. but well.. at least i was honest in all my responses!.. xD

heh honestly even if i dont get it, i guess i'll just try to contribute back to society in another way.. who's stopping me from doing that man!.. haha..

;SIZZLE

2 months

2011-06-19T21:37:00.002+08:00

been nearly 2 months since i blogged.. gosh so much has happened these 2 months..
passed out from sniper course, going for rotation training tml already..

hm. met her once?.. its practically still the same as the last time, if not worse?.. she stopped replying me also.. haha sometimes i feel so downright stupid.. why the hell do i have to like someone who doesnt even like me one little bit?..

becky xiangy isa cyn are all overseas now.. cr is busy with church and ying is busy with her work and school.. sabby and nicole ignores me.. haha damn being lonely sometimes really sucks..
i dont even have the energy to go out and catch a movie by myself.. i just spent my entire block leave in front of my computer, or out with my parents.. i probably went out more with my parents than with friends, and my parents are WORKING..

i lead a sad sad life..

;and people tell me not to emo.

loser

2011-05-01T23:34:00.001+08:00

i doubt i'll get attached till im freaking old..
i really think so..

RAWR AT PINOYS SPOILING MY HON GAMES

;im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me

strength

2011-04-11T23:29:00.003+08:00

i never saw someone exhibit so much strength in a long time..
i really admire you for that!
and i hope you'll takecare!

;questioning questioning..

get it right

2011-04-10T21:04:00.000+08:00

i love Glee i absolutely do ;oh how many times will it take for me to get it right..

lean on me

2011-03-10T21:22:00.002+08:00

sometimes in our lives
we all have pain
we all have sorrow
but if we are wise
we know that there is always tomorrow

lean on me
when you are not strong
and i'll be your friend
i'll help you carry on
for it wont be long
i'll im gonna need
somebody to lean on

;all the best my friends for tml's med paper!..

im reapplying for psc.. wish me luck!

2011-02-27T17:01:00.002+08:00

i really wish you would take more notice of me you know?..

im feeling really tired..
i dont even know if it is worth it anymore..

maybe im asking for too much..
you didnt ask for this anyway..

;weary much..

coping well i hope.

2011-02-20T19:32:00.001+08:00

i think i should curl up and not be so outspoken anymore.. not doing me any good..

;durham.. let the others be the same..

i am feeling extremely down because i suck at everything and i nearly screw up everything.

2011-02-02T22:36:00.002+08:00

it's been probably 3 weeks since i took over the platoon. and i guess many lessons have been learnt. somehow, in the short span of these few weeks, i've somehow managed to make decisions, both good and bad, make mistakes, be respected, been undermined, an amalgamation of probably everything i'll ever experience in my life.

my platoon, to put into context, is made up of 14 sgts, 1 of who is the PS. all specialised and trained, unlike me, my first step into PLC SIW was of course, one of trepidation and awe. they are actually more trained than me! how am i supposed to lead a group of people who are more trained than me, who knows the workings of PLC SIW more than me, and even older than me?! honestly, i was at a complete loss. nothing i've learnt in OCS will help. my upperstudies told me that EVERYTHING in OCS is probably useless. apart from ALPs probably?

and 1 thing i've learnt, leadership framework will probably only work in OCS. sgts, are not incapable of comprehending such values and stuff, just dont want to learn about such stuff. 1 thing i bemoan is that they are still in their cadet mode. not fully weaned from the trainings, day offs, nights out are valued as extremely essential for survival. canteen breaks are a 'right', and R&D is weak. they hate regimentation (i mean who doesnt), but to whine or curse at things like area maintenance is really something unbecoming of commanders. i tried to introduce the simple yet extremely applicable concept of CAPS, and it was met with a wall of silence. a note from the PS told me that the platoon 'prefers not to have such speeches'. maybe i talk too much, but im indignant that there are really many lessons that can be drawn from our 2 years here.

besides the fact that leadership, sadly, does not come as second nature to our WOSPEC command, then comes the seemingly authoritarian vicegrip of the higherup. the officers are relaxed and practically gives free rein to the PC, with the caveat that there still will be accountability of the PC's decisions and actions. the WO however, unbashedly seeks to retain if not claim control of the poor platoon. this inevitably results in much confusion and a clouded picture of the hierachy. as much as we intend to work hand-in-hand and have mutual respect, i believe that perhaps measures need to be put into place to prevent YSLs from being pushed over by the more experienced WOs. in my platoon, this resulted also in distrust between the men and the WOs.

as a YSL, you are required to make many many decisions. be it about making the camp pass, ISAC card, or simple decisions like whether to have first and last parade for your platoon, all come with SEVERE consequences. not knowing that you may have to exert authority over the camp pass making process, i nearly was forced to book out every night for the duration when i was only holding on to a day pass. but after much brandishing of the bar and some curt questions, the process was very much expedited. try that on your platoon, and you may be screwed for life. your platoon will probably hate you for life the single solitary moment you accidentally use your rank to instill some discipline into them. the fine fine line between losing the platoon and losing the platoon is, as can be seen, a lose lose situation. it's not about crossing the line. it's about BALANCING ON THE FREAKING LINE. you have to not use your authority much to retain their respect, yet must make sure they do not leapfrog over your head because you are too soft. and we as newly commissioned officers, barely 2 weeks after commissioning, have to do this. i respect every single YSL, from the very first batch till now for this simple reason.

i just got my platoon to give me a short writeup about themselves before they booked out yesterday, and i was just reading them a moment ago. i was very amused - and still am - because it's through this that i see who trusts me the most. ranging from the outright sentence, 'i dont think you need to know anything about my life' to 'i havent actually said much about myself under this veil of words' to 'i hope to get to know you better as our PC and hope that we can be buddies during course'. it shows me who the leader of the platoon is, who are the quiet ones, who belong to which clique and how they might interact as a whole. i think this is useful and would recommend to new PCs who wish to try something new to know their platoon. unknowingly, despite their protective barriers set up around themselves, they have given us a key to their dungeons. also i've learnt that as much as you may trust your men, they may not trust you, and will take your trust as a weakness. im not asking you not to trust, but just to remain wary, and always have contingencies in case they breach it or use it against you.

there's this thing about command responsibility i wanted to espouse during my term. i may not have had much of the chance to do so yet, seeing that they are still in a lull period, but certain decisions have impacted me deeply. 3 of them requested off from me (to escape from a certain activity that day), and i gave it to them, trusting that they had the sense of responsibility to give their all and think about the platoon, but alas, it was not meant to be. i learnt from a MSG that they were not allowed to use off to escape from activities. when the truth hit me, i just did not want to do anything but sit in my cubicle and shut myself out. as he was scolding them in the office, i just sat in my chair and thought about how i managed to screw up so early in my term. my waters were tested without me knowing, and they easily swam across into my stronghold to feel the toughness of the walls. 1 more mistake, and they will be at the gate, breaching it with a bangalore, and going for my heart. but i must hold myself responsible for this error, that they have been too lax and i must step up on R&D! (but refer to the earlier paragraphs and dilemma much?)

these 3 weeks have been slow yet eventful, and i have learnt a lot. but not enough. i feel like im still grappling for driftwood in the midst of a swirling ocean. i need a boat to come and save me, or at least larger pieces of wood to keep me afloat, although it would mean more splinters - more pain - to clamber upon. leadership is no easy task and is a continual process. i wish all the PCs, OCs, COs and anyone in a position of command all the best and good luck. happy chinese new year!

;i hope i stop screwing up..

yesterday was probably one of the happiest moments i've ever had

2011-01-30T18:40:00.003+08:00

we'll do it all
everything
on our own

we don't need
anything
or anyone

if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world

i don't quite know
how to say
how i feel

those three words,
are said too much
they're not enough
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world

forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden that's bursting into life

let's waste time
chasing cars
around our heads

i need your grace
to remind me
to find my own

if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world

forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden that's bursting into life

all that i am
all that i ever was
is here in your perfect eyes
they're all i can see

i don't know where
confused about how as well
just know that these things
will never change for us at all

if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world

;run away with me and just forget the world..

comms ball

2011-01-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

i am a happy boy.. (:

;i love the picture!..

it's tuesday. time is passing too fast.

2011-01-18T14:34:00.001+08:00

when i saw the photos online
my heart just sank

;im always not ready for the expected..

commission

2011-01-16T02:58:00.001+08:00

1 bar..

the beginning of tough, challenging, yet fruitful and meaningful times..

;to lead, to excel, and to overcome..

guards pc

2011-01-09T19:54:00.001+08:00

im sorry if im the one who causes you to feel that way..
it's all my fault..

im commissioning soon finally!..
and guards.. (:

;ready to strike

boo.

2011-01-02T18:16:00.001+08:00

gone le gone le!..
he som i only got what sia.. ):

still fitter than me,
still smarter than me..
can do ONLY 21 pullups after stopping training for so long.. ):

SIGH

;sadsadsad

prostrate before the beauty of our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace

2010-12-26T00:47:00.003+08:00

15The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to blot out their name from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD will rescue his servants;
no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

He will deliver..
broken hearts, broken lives, He will take them all..
take my broken life Lord, and i pray that you will mend it, that i will become a new person again.. may i stop feeling all these hatred and instead be filled with love and care for others.. Lord You are good and Your mercy endures forever.. anoint me with your mercy and allow me to forgive just like i have been forgiven..

;tears..

waiting for the end

2010-12-24T19:48:00.006+08:00

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I have planned
It's out of my control

All I wanna do is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

;what was left when that fire was gone, i thought it felt right but that right was wrong..

so much better to hear it from you than from your blog

2010-12-24T12:04:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry I wasnt perfect enough for you

it isn't really hard to tell that to my face you know

;you just ruined my day..

on a brighter note

2010-12-24T00:33:00.001+08:00

haha im happy whenever i get to talk to my good friend!.. ((:

isa <3

;i wanna go london!..

culmination of all the times i've wanted to swear on this blog.. and i finally have, besides my post yesterday..

2010-12-21T09:02:00.003+08:00

it's been 5 months and i've realised one thing..
i hate this platoon..
i fucking hate the people..
not all, but enough to make me resent this platoon..

you all think youre so fucking cool?..
well i dont think so.. i may be an insignificant little shit amongst you all, but i dont give a damn..
continue on your bullying ways, and i assure you that i'll continue looking down on you..
i may not mean much to this platoon, but it's okay..
i'll probably just feel like a child of a family which thinks he is invisible..
but i'll get over it..

i dont understand why so many people are curious as to why i worry for the future of our corps.. are you really that ignorant, or are you just avoiding the truth?..
everything is so obvious and blatant, so in your face, yet no one sees it..
or maybe it is because the majority is the one which is fucked up..

i can really express how i feel now, except that this hatred is coursing through my veins, for the past 2 hours already.. and maybe since the beginning of pro term, except that i've only come to realise now..
fuck all this.. im just going to get my bar, get out of this place, or rather, away from these screwed up people and attempt to change this organisation for the better..
i may not be perfect, but i sure as hell know that i will never want to become like them..

;as above, so below..

you know when things start to head the opposite direction you want it to?

2010-12-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

hahaha please..
no one truly cares..

;crisis..

i think mbs will be such a pretty place

2010-12-20T00:28:00.002+08:00

i tell you im okay..

but i fucking hate it on the inside..

;no you wont do the same, you wouldnt do the same

conflict

2010-12-15T18:32:00.001+08:00

im happy!..
tired but happy..

but happy yet sad..
haha ahhwells..

;i'd catch a grenade for you..

work

2010-12-10T23:34:00.003+08:00

sneaking in a few minutes of rest before i resume my work!..
today was quite okay..
apart from LNAT..
SO HARD!.. ):
read the passages until i foam..

i miss you a lot laa.. i wanna see you again..
tell me if youre free on the 22nd okay!..

i shall continue doing my work..

;i realised that you dont love me yet the way i love you, but the truth is i dont really care..

CSB

2010-12-03T14:23:00.002+08:00

one times good route march later!..
32km only!.. :X

;come for comms ball wont you?..

misses

2010-11-25T20:43:00.001+08:00

i should be more careful with my phone..
it nearly fell to its demise today..

thank God the lift gap is small enough..

;sinx..

i dont see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you

2010-11-24T22:27:00.000+08:00

jiayou!.. (:

;im back!..

taiwan

2010-11-02T01:39:00.002+08:00

flying off in 2 days time.. :X
gonna love taiwan gonna miss singapore.. ):

haha and who am i kidding..
you dont even come to my blog..

;standards standards..

oasis

2010-10-29T22:50:00.002+08:00

coz all of the stars have faded away,
just try not to worry
you'll see them one day
just take what you need
and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out

youre so going to find a guy who's studying what youre studying

;stop crying your heart out..

happiness

2010-10-23T23:19:00.001+08:00

hahaha im so happy i got to meet you today!.. (: (: (:
i love the shirt!.. xD

anyways i bought my first app today!.. :X

;yayyayyay..

army

2010-10-23T08:52:00.002+08:00

these few nights, i keep dreaming of Guards, Infantry, and signing on..
dammit i swear i've been thinking so much of army of late.. :X

dont even know whether it's good or not..
ohhwells.. taiwan soon!..
who wants anything?.. (:

;should i try for an army scholarship?..

humility

2010-10-17T10:51:00.002+08:00

I'm quite arrogant I think..
Also not humble enough.. :( :(

I need a spirit of humility!.. Lord please let me pass your test!..

;show me your face o Lord, make my heart pure as gold.

church

2010-10-10T11:47:00.001+08:00

back in church after like 7 weeks.. wow..
i really missed Riverlife haha.. (:

NGHI NGHI NGHI MEETING HIM NEXT WEEK!.. (:

;in other words, i love youu..

fever

2010-10-05T22:31:00.001+08:00

why must i fall sick hours before my bookin?.. ): ):

please please please i wanna do UO!!!!!.. ):

;singapore is a lonely place..

back from brunei!

2010-10-04T00:09:00.002+08:00

am baaaack!.. (:
double joy!..
JCC badge, plus a new handphone wheeeee!!!.. (: (: (:

i missed so many people lol.. xD
bbbbuuttt im sick.. ):

;i carved a pair of chopsticks for you with your name on it..

photograph

2010-09-12T19:27:00.002+08:00

look at this photograph

everytime i do it makes me laugh

how did our eyes get so red

and when we left we got so sad

i'll miss you both so so so much.. ):

please takecare over in the UK..

and skype me often.. okay?..

every memory of walking out the front door

i found the photo of friends i was looking for

it's hard to say it, time to say it

goodbye goodbye :'(

;i never felt so helpless in my life before..

prezzies

2010-09-10T02:05:00.001+08:00

i'd like to believe that it's me..

ISA XIANGY I LOVED BOTH YOUR PRESENTS LAA!.. (: (:
sorry i havent had yours prepared.. ):
decemberdecember(:

;im going to miss you both awful loads..

writer

2010-09-08T22:50:00.000+08:00

i try out a smile
and i aim it at you
you must have missed it
you always do

;ecp..

duty

2010-09-08T18:27:00.002+08:00

sigh volunteered myself into crap..
it's okay i only bookout 13hours less than others.. ): ):

at least it gives me time to think what i've missed..

;i sort of expected it you know?..

gonna change the world

2010-09-04T23:40:00.001+08:00

castaway was fun!.. (:
but haha still dont like outfield lol..

1 more week to brunei!.. :X
nervous.. ):

;coz we gotta mountain to climb!..

fire

2010-08-21T15:28:00.002+08:00

love in its truest sense is not based on feelings, but a determination to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward..

;burn burn burn..

wolf

2010-08-21T14:32:00.001+08:00

1 X extra.. ): ):

;consistently sad..

brunei

2010-08-15T17:00:00.002+08:00

my 24hour bookout is ending soon and i havent done much..
but church today was quite good i think..
haha i sat beside some guy who said he was from 01/83 OCC and i was quite surprised..
talked a bit and he said Brunei's fun lol..
we'll see about that!.. :X

;miss you!.. let's go out soon?.. ):

block leave is ending NOOOOOOOO

2010-08-09T02:04:00.001+08:00

i walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams..

;darnit.

bitterness

2010-08-08T00:09:00.004+08:00

you must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.
- Ephesians 4.31

im sorry i was bitter with you.. though you probably wont even read this..
today's class outing was unprecedented and quite good..
lol even im surprised.. good work organisers.. (:

but i probably wont see many of them for like a few years now.. ):

;block leave please pass slower!..

disappointment

2010-08-05T03:13:00.002+08:00

life really can be full of disappointment..

the past 7 months havent exactly been the best 7 months of my life..
and i really wish that these tough times will pass soon..
yet i dread that the future which awaits me would prove to be more arduous than this crap of a situation im in now..

im facing it..
my future is quite bleak..
im doing so much yet gaining back so little..
fml..

;as much as gain should not be our motivator, loss should never serve to be our instigator..

2010-07-23T03:23:00.002+08:00

soc night passed so fast.. ):
haha i had fun..
but it's kinda sad that there wont be such a thing in the next 6 months, except for comms ball.. ):

HAHA THANKS SABBY FOR AGREEING TO ACCOMPANY ME!.. (: (:
and i was happy i saw so many friends!..
things will be different from mon onwards yea.. :X
sigh..

im glad you treat me as a trusted friend!..

;youre coming back in 45 and a half hours!..

'Cause this is real, and this is good

2010-07-22T15:50:00.003+08:00

i've looked for love in stranger places
but never found someone like you
someone whose smile makes me feel i've been holding back
and now there's nothing i can't do

social night!.. (:
looking forward haha..

I MISS MY PLATOON MANY MANY!.. ):
just very different.. ): ):

you're in my heart now
and there's no escaping it for you

;built to last?..

i'll always be waiting until your heart stops beating

2010-07-18T03:44:00.004+08:00

went for 30 years of council today!..
haha was a mad rush..
food was nice but the feeling a bit weird lol..
spontaneity salvaged part of the day when me and sharon chionged upstage to dance befrienders lol..

then went to watch Eclipse with sab..
not bad laa.. though hell lot of kissing :X
and kissing and kissing and kissing
TAYLOR LAUTNER IS HOTTER THAN what's-his-name-oops-i-forgot
ASHLEY GREENE IS HOTTER THAN what's-her-name-i-forgot

damn i forgot both the lead actor and actress' names!..

i miss you
;1 more weeeeek..

htht

2010-07-11T23:44:00.002+08:00

one day one day..
haha HTHT with isa was nice.. (:
but really isa, i think things will never go the way you say it.. :X

there's no man alive who can say that they fully understand women and mean it. it just isn't possible, so there's no use trying. but that doesn't mean you can't love them anyway. and it doesn't mean that you should ever stop doing your best to let them know how important they are to you. - Nicholas Sparks, The Wedding

;i'll wait in line till you ask me to make you mine..

scorpion king

2010-07-10T23:05:00.001+08:00

anyone can catch your eye but only someone special can catch your heart - Nicholas Sparks

how true how true..

cant's wait for soc night!.. (:

;lips of an angel..

Be Our Best

2010-07-04T00:49:00.002+08:00

sometimes i feel that the army is diverting too many resources into redundant things..
and that many times, the people who are supposed to be our role models are really crap..

;stop thinking youre so smart..

misses

2010-06-27T19:02:00.002+08:00

i miss you i really do..
sigh havent seen you for 2 weeks already!.. :X
soon to be 3 weeks..
and next weekend will be quite busyyyyyy..
then youre off to med..

no ): ):

;doing AOP sucks!..

chocolates and cookies and chips! great things start with the letter c

2010-06-20T19:04:00.004+08:00

i ne'er was struck before that hour
with love so sudden and so sweet,
her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
and stole my heart away complete

the notebook is such a sweet story..
haha i finished The Guardian.. it's an amazing book..
recommend recommend!.. xD

;platoon field camp coming up.. ):

lan!

2010-06-20T01:27:00.000+08:00

lan lan lan!.. (:
thanks ser haha.. xD

;happy for once in a few days..

not good enough for her (or is it?)

2010-06-13T00:54:00.002+08:00

she's outta my league is a good show for me..
but will i ever learn lol..
talking to auntie G today was enlightening in more ways than 1..
i really must listen to her advice and maybe start to learn more, be stubborn less..

;imma 10 imma 10.. i must tell myself that I AM A 10!..

lonely friendless me

2010-06-12T16:10:00.002+08:00

i dunno why but i only seem to be able to think about myself.. im so selfcentred.. i realised i dont think about other's feelings by my own.. i get pissed at people for the slightest things.. i feel downcast at the smallest rejections..

who am i to feel that way?.. just a nobody no?.. ahh feck it..
i dont expect much of a future..

;just let me go and be crazy..

Galatians 5:22, 23

2010-05-30T14:49:00.001+08:00

im not good enough..

and isa that's not a lie lol.. (:
that book is for women..

;it leaves me thinking..

i need mahnee

2010-05-30T02:15:00.001+08:00

shouldnt i have picked up those signals long ago?..
haha.. okay im screwed..
whatever..

;field camp field camp.. hope it'll be fun..

platoon 2 has been awarded 1 time defaulter's parade next thursday

2010-05-23T02:04:00.003+08:00

watched ip mun 2 alone today!..
it was kinda nice.. (:
though i cringed at the brutal bits lol..

swear i cant stand watching people get injured.. :X
i like donnie yen's character!..
he's so quiet and reserved and calm all the time!..
abounding in love and slow to anger!..
RESPECT!..

;dont substitute doing the right thing for expedience..

MISSES

2010-05-22T20:45:00.002+08:00

booked out so damn late that i had to cancel my outing.. >(
and my parents had to wait for me for 4 hours.. in a small carpark..
whatTHEheck..

anyway field camp soon..
psych up psych up!.. (:

;i miss my friends..

.

2010-05-16T17:15:00.000+08:00

i realise i need to make more friends..

;.

dream

2010-05-16T14:58:00.000+08:00

i had a weird dream last night..
not a nightmare, but just weird..

;enjoying my remaining 22hours!..

sing a quiet song

2010-05-16T00:40:00.003+08:00

a quiet bookout
a quiet weekend

i'm a cadet safety
and im walking down the line
i'm a cadet safety
and im walking down the line
so you better pick up your bottles
and hold it 90degrees
so you better pick up your bottles
and hold it 90degrees
so you doncha (woo) doncha (woo)
spill a single drop
or you kinda (woo) kinda (woo)
kinda knock it down
singing shalalalala
lalalalalalala

;HEDP and MATADOR HEAT was da bomb!.. landflame toooo..

lousy lousy lousy THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENS lousy lousy lousy

2010-05-09T18:28:00.002+08:00

unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong
now i cant breathe
no i cant sleep
im barely hanging on

hmm my viewership has dropped!.. there was a day only got 3 visits haha..
ohhwells.. my mind is occupied with other stuff now anyway.. ):

im torn into pieces
cant deny it, cant pretend

;but you wont get to see the tears i cry..

uni

2010-05-09T01:21:00.000+08:00

rejection can be quite sad..

sigh why?.. ):

;live with it..

confinement

2010-05-07T12:55:00.001+08:00

TML IS MY BOOKOUT DAY DOODAAAAAA DOODAAAAA(:

;if life is good, i'll get more than 24 hours!.. (:

oct

2010-04-18T22:36:00.002+08:00

tml tml tml!.. :S
quite nervous and scared!..

ahhhhh.. ):
and 3 weeks of not seeing people..
many i'll miss.. ): ): ):

;and NS is an important part of my life..

date night

2010-04-18T01:20:00.003+08:00

today was an extremely lovely day!.. (:
law interview notwithstanding.. xD

looking forward to buddy lunch tml!..
afterwhich im in for a helluva time.. hell literally.. :X

;confinement:(

posting

2010-04-16T17:24:00.003+08:00

O, wont you C my S!.. (:

haha crazy me..
still feeling a little under the weather, but i'll be fine.. xD

R-MEEEEEE WIIIIING.. ):
haha wanted police force.. ):

;monday ):

please?

2010-04-16T11:40:00.003+08:00

am sick!..
but feeling better!..
after puking haha..
thank God for Thai Airways sickbag which i kope all the time.. (:
otherwise my laptop gg liao..

SORRY SECTIONMATES COULDNT GO OUT WITH YOU GUYS!..

;and you havent replied me for 2 days straight..

notebook

2010-04-15T17:56:00.001+08:00

just watched the notebook!..
hmm it was kinda nice..
sweet and all.. (:

haha i wish i had the patience of the man..
respect ttm!.. :D

;4 more days.. ):

ohhno

2010-04-15T00:01:00.003+08:00

today was great!..
thankyou cynthia for the confectionery you baked!..
and ying for being such a gracious host hahaha.. xD

and sister + bfbf dinner was awesomeee.. (:
though bfbf was kinda tired hahaha..
we had a great time!..

and im going to miss you ALL.. ):

;what's happening!.. ):

keeper

2010-04-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

cried watching my sisters' keeper!..
nice show.. (:

council camp!..

;cant wait!..

halfway

2010-04-13T21:38:00.001+08:00

only 5 more days till booking in..
sighh time passes so fast!.. ):

i want more rest!.. hahaha..
ohhwells..
looking forward to tml!.. (:

;and if you can make it.. (:

coz we are finally free tonight

2010-04-09T21:20:00.003+08:00

paper bags and plastic hearts
all our belongings in shopping carts
it's goodbye
but we got one more night
let's get drunk and ride around
and make peace with an empty town
we can make it right

tonight will change our lives
it's so good to be by your side
but we'll cry
we won't give up the fight
we'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
and they'll think it's just coz we're young
and we'll feel so alive

all of the wasted time
hours that were left behind me
answers that we'll never find
they don't mean a thing tonight

throw it away

forget yesterday

we'll make the great escape

we won't hear a word they say

they don't know us anyway

watch it burn

let it die

coz we are finally free tonight

that's probably how all of us felt yesterday..

wanted to post this song up but was too tired..

and probably too sad..

i guess maybe He has His Hand in this, that He knows im not ready and not fit to be a psc scholar.. so why go through all the panics and jitters over an interview im bound to fail?..

mm.. i believe He makes things perfect in His time, and im starting to see why..

because of this setback, i began researching more into scholarships, and i guess there are many scholarships out there i can apply for that though might be less prestigious and have lower stipends, they are more attractive.. i'll apply for psc again in the next phase, but yea, i trust in Him wholly..

anyway section outing was quite fun!.. (:

and SMU Law selection was quite omgimgoingtodie lol..

NUS PLEASE CALL MEEEEE.. ):

;we'll make this great escape

amazing mediocrity

2010-04-08T19:54:00.001+08:00

sad and happy day for me..
happy coz i pop-ed!..

sad coz psc doesnt want me..
haha.. ohhwells..
i'll stay in singaporeeee.. :X

;singapore ohhhh singapore..

chocolate(:

2010-04-04T14:22:00.003+08:00

haha more than 48 hours of being at home!..
hmm but at least it's better than confinement..
at least i get to dota lol..

last book in later!..
ahh.. and i'll look forward to the end of my 24 click route march..
let it be quick and easy!.. :X

;happy easter!..

everything

2010-04-03T19:34:00.003+08:00

i found this video i like!.. (:
our church enacted this skit, done by Lifehouse..
hmm it's different from the one my church enacted but i saw this before riverlife even did the skit so here it is!.. (:

enjoy!.. in case it doesnt work, click here!..
and have a great Easter everyone!.. (:

;You're everything..

Your grace

2010-04-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

it's a quiet day!..
haha no smses..

anyway wanted to post a video isa sent me the last time!..
but she posted it on her blog TODAY.. ):
so yea go find ISABELLE on my links, click and watch.. (:

was just pondering over Good Friday..
i realised that Christ received the ultimate punishment of all..
if we havent realised, the worst punishment one can ever have is detachment from God (aka hell)
and Christ Himself, on the day He was crucified, He was rejected by His Father..
to me, it's not the pain, all the flogging and humiliation that really makes everything so sad.. true it's suffering beyond comprehension, but i think the worst punishment dealt that Friday was the full wrath of God..

God Himself had no compassion for the holy 'sinner' on the cross.. and He looked upon the sins borne upon Christ's shoulders and unleashed His righteous fury on the Man who was to die for us sinners..

this year's Good Friday weekend might be a lonely one, but i hope i'll grow more spiritually!.. (:

;AMAZING grace..

week 8

2010-04-02T11:22:00.001+08:00

haha it's going to be a boring and lonely weekend..

am quite reluctant for BMT to come to an end!..

;im hungry again!..

troubled peace

2010-03-28T16:27:00.001+08:00

I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for Me - Matt 25:40

i must learn to love more!..

;so complicated..

aggression

2010-03-28T00:53:00.002+08:00

am i too aggressive!.. ):
ahh i dunno..
but i really wanna wanna wanna!..

please say if im starting to be irritating thankyou!..

;booking in tml.. ):

out

2010-03-25T18:37:00.002+08:00

the feeling of freedom is inexplicable..
after 2 weeks in camp, the emotion coursing through me is liquid fire..
i just feel so freaking liberated!.. :D

haha.. yea with so many high-key events, it's hard not to feel that way i guess?..
12-click route march, followed by 3 day outfield SIT test, then 16-click route march today before bookout..
WHEWWW.. :X
glad i survived haha..

but i kinda doubt i'll get through 24-click.. ):
and then there's drill squad comp on monday..
and IPPT on monday too..
AHHHHH.. ): haha..
but i'll be fine!.. (:

;im still missing youuuuu..

confined

2010-03-14T19:00:00.002+08:00

cant come out for 2 weeks.. ):
i'll miss you a lot you know..
sighh.. ):

let's go out when i get back!..

;please?.. hahaha..

lalala

2010-03-14T01:25:00.003+08:00

i missed you a lot..
though i might not have said it..

was happy for today!..
though i booked out late..

haha whee!.. (:
now only left 1 last hurdle..
the rest are but little bumps in the sand, easily crossed with a slight lift of my feet..

;and i wish you missed me too..

As

2010-03-05T22:27:00.003+08:00

YAY FOR As!.. (:
thank God really.. (: (: He provides..

from isa..
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11

from church..
"Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" - Jeremiah 33:3

through this period, i've really learnt to trust in the Lord wholly and know that He will reward those who remain true to Him, and trust in Him.. i was besieged with fear and anxiety throughout the weeks, but a couple of hours before i received my slip, i was filled with such a serenity which i couldnt express.. that was when i was up in the gallery with cynthia and the other class people.. i passed it off as too much nervousness till the point of numbness but now i know that it is the power of the Lord.. He has came into my heart and told me not to fear, not to worry..

Call to Me and I will answer you... apt.. and His plans for us, are so purely divine, we just have to learn to trust Him and lean not on our own understanding.. for my As, really, all credit goes to Him and Him alone.. (: amen..

;this is my testimony..

blehhhh

2010-02-28T16:12:00.000+08:00

going back in after less than 22 hours..
blehh..

;so short breaks.. ):

forging sabre

2010-02-21T14:41:00.001+08:00

it's good to be back.. (: but going back later lol.. sighh..
anyway was at church and i realised that i really miss church.. ):

ohhwells..
hmm okay nothing much.. really boring..
lemme go do my NS HOMEWORK now.. ):
still got homework zzz..

;forging sabre..

back to basics (military training)

2010-02-15T22:32:00.001+08:00

my CNY break was a good one.. (: with special friends spending time with me.. (: (:

kinda sucks to go back lol.. but nevermind!.. the week is shorter than normal!.. i'll be back before i know it!..

youre the reason that i breathe
youre the reason that i still believe

;wo hui deng..

back!

2010-02-13T23:26:00.004+08:00

i really wished that this year's valentine's day would be different..
but what i wish will surely be different from what i get..

the key to happiness is not being loved,
but having someone to love,
- Joyce Meyer, The Love Revolution

im going to love and love and love..
whether i get it back or not doesnt matter..

;if i want you to be mine, will you?..

liberation

2010-02-12T23:25:00.001+08:00

it feels GREAT to be able to do whatever you want whenever you want however you want..

;4 days of pure heaven!..

last times

2010-02-04T23:56:00.001+08:00

last time i wash my hair, from tml it'll be wash my head..
last time i bathe with hot water..
last time i get to use the comp..
last time i listen to music..
last time i sleep in a comfortable bed with 2 pillows..
last time i get to slack around doing nothing..
till CNY comes..

I CANT WAIT!..

;see you all!..

my cool phone

2010-02-04T15:52:00.002+08:00

my army phone is quite cool!..
can send timed smses!..
like i can set for isa to receive at 3.14pm on the 7th of December 2030.. (:
hahaha wheee so cool!.. xD

saw bobo at pasir ris interchange just now!..
he was going in.. ahhhh tml my turn!..
so exciting!.. (: but haha.. exciting.. (:

;lalalablahhlalala..